I’m sitting here contemplating the reality of friendships. My intention isn’t to write a long blog today as I’m still pensive about the issue, but I feel compelled to give a brief account now.
I thank God for the gift of friends and the many joys they bring. I have many and although I fall out with some time and time again I’m grateful and blessed for them all. The close ones whom I can confide in are always there for me and I’m blessed to have those around me. Their supportive, uplifting, caring and respectful to name a few. I guess their main focus is for my personal happiness, I mean that’s what every friend wishes for their peer right? But how far does making someone happy really go?
I use to think that telling someone what they want to hear is to love them, until I was reading the bible recently which put things in another context. The bible states;
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Pro 27:6 KJV)
I realised after meditating on this that it’s not always about what your friend wants to hear, in fact if you truly love them then you will rebuke them in the time of need. As a friend trying to help another in the time of distress, much care must be taken in both your approach and your words.
Firstly, the advice given must not be of your own knowledge and understanding. I can’t stress how important I’ve come to realise that giving advice from your own understanding and human wisdom can be devastating for the recipient.
Consider Justin who recently had just come out of a bad relationship, with all bitterness of his breakup a few months later his friend Jason goes through the same scenario and calls on Justin for some advice. You can see here that just because the scenarios are the same it doesn’t mean the same advice should be given because the opportunity for a different outcome is very much in balance. What works for one may not work for another and in this case, where there may have been a chance for Jason to save his relationship he takes Justins advice to leave and risks it all.
Another thing struck me as to advice giving in that it’s easy to give advice when you are not in the midst of the problem because of what’s at stake. From the prior scenario let us assume Jason uses Justins’ advice and leaves the relationship, Justin (advisor) has lost nothing from Jason leaving whereas Jason lost something, which potentially could have grown if simply given time and care. What I mean to say is when taking advice remember that carelessness may play a part in the advice given because they have nothing to lose but you do!
Ultimately advice giving should not be solely from past experience of human wisdom yet the word of God. The perfect example of what is to be mentioned pertaining to advice giving was actually spoken of by God in the book of Job;
“And it was so, that after the LORD had spoken these words unto Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath” (Job 42:7 KJV)
God rebuked the friends of Job because they let Job speak negative and gave him no hope which is the word of God. The verse says “...ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right...” The Lord was explaining that comforting and being there for them profited Job nothing, friends are meant to speak the things of God, ultimately the word of God concerning their situation and nothing more despite how they may take it.
In summary of this when giving advice speak not what is right to them but simply what is right for them because this is done out of love and for lifting them up.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Eph 4:29 KJV)
Lift your friends by the word of truth
Subsequently when taking advice be careful in who you take it from as it may not always be fruitful for you. Sometimes this may be regarding a health, finance, business or relationship issue.
A friend told me once upon a time that they took relationship advice from someone and unwillingly lost their partner. I asked what status the advice giver was in to which my friend replied they were single I had to ask if they would take money advice from a poor person because it’s the same thing.
We must remember it’s your situation, your baby, so be careful with words people speak to you. One of my previous blogs about arranged marriage asked the question that if you had a word from God to be wed to someone and you hadn’t known them for what society deems to be correct, would you still trust God? Alot of people said they would wait but couldn’t explain why, which struck me. I realised that its social correctness that challenges babies we carry such as dreams and aspirations.
You can’t start that business because your funds are too small, you can’t get married because you haven’t known that person for long enough. Who decides the timing? Is it not God? So why do we listen to friends who give us times? Is it there dreams? Are they with us when we day dream about it? Will they be there when you’ve succeeded? If your not willing to step out of the box then wont you be subject to the limit of their success?
The word of God teaches that the barriers of success are removed, nothing is impossible with God so who would you rather listen to?
If God has placed something in you, let him prosper it with his word, not by the shakey advice you may get from friends.
“To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty” (Job 6:14 KJV)
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